It was us against the world
by Jossasund
Summary: Emma visits her girlfriends grave, and thinks about what they had and all those things that never become more then dreams


Emma leaned down by Regina's tombstone and didn't even try to resist the tears stinging in her eyes. It had been 10 years since her best friend had committed suicide and Emma still blamed herself for it. She didn't even know she was depressed…

 _I should have seen the signs…_

"Hi Gina" Emma said as her voice broke. Today's was Regina's birthday and the blonde always brought her a bouquet of red roses and spent the day by her grave.

 _I miss you so freaking much…_

Emma had met Regina when she had been barely 10 years old. Both of the girls were loners and new in town, so they kinda found each other quickly. And became best friends almost overnight.

 _It was us against the world._

Regina was so incredibly beautiful and when they became teenagers, Emma had finally found the guts to ask the brunette out on a date.

They shared their first kiss on the beach, with only the moon as their light. Hands intertwined and smiles on each other's lips. Emma was so happy and thought Regina was as well.

 _But Regina fought a war Emma didn't even have a clue about._

As a grown up, the blonde had been able to put the pieces together, but not when they had been young. Way back then, Regina had used all kind of excuses and Emma had believed her, without hesitation. But then again, why should her best friend lie to her?

Emma still remembered the scars covering Regina's arms, scars she blamed her cat for. And the blonde had just accepted that explanation.

 _How the fuck could I have been that stupid?_

They were never at Regina's place, because so many reasons. And like with everything else, Emma had not questioned it. She had just accepted what she had been told.

"You just left me Gina…. You just fucking left!" Emma growled and the tears were flowing down her cheeks by now. She curled up into a ball and rested her forehead against the tombstone.

Regina's death had shattered Emma's whole world and she still remembered that morning when she had gotten the call about it. It still felt like yesterday and she still had nightmares about it.

 _I was supposed to propose to you that day Gina…_

The blonde had been planning to ask Regina to be her wife that day… and she had even bought her a ring. But it never happened. So nowadays Emma wore the ring around her neck in a silver necklace that had been the first thing she had ever bought Regina..

The suicide note her father had found in Regina's room had not been meant for him, it had been written only to Emma. So the blonde had gotten it, and for some reason she had still kept it. And she even read it from time to time.

" _Emma.. My dear Emma._

 _I'm sorry for leaving like this, and especially since I haven't even told you about how I actually have been doing. And I beg you, please don't blame yourself. Because Emma, my beautiful girlfriend, you have done nothing but made me smile._

 _But sadly it wasn't enough._

 _I've been struggling with depression since I've been a kid. And I've tried almost the whole pharmacy when it comes to antidepressants. Nothing have ever helped._

 _I've seen numerous therapists and shrinks, but just like with the pills, nothing helped._

 _The only thing who kept me above the surface, was you. Your smile, your laugh, your kisses and your big heart. I love you more than anything else in this world Emma, but I can't keep living like this._

 _I wish I could.. I really do. But I can't. I'm so sorry Emma. I'm so sorry._

 _I hope you can move on with your life Emma, and that you find someone else to spend your life with. A girl who deserves you, because you deserve nothing else but happiness._

 _I love you Emma. Please forgive me._

 _Always yours,_

 _Regina mills_

And Emma had found another girl to love. She had found a beautiful redhead named Ruby and together they had two kids, Henry and Elsa. And they had been married for almost 2 years now.

Ruby was incredibly understanding when it came to Regina thankfully. She never questioned when Emma spent hours by her former girlfriend's grave. She just gave her a kiss and told her to take the time she needed.

Emma loved ruby and their family to pieces.. But sometimes the blonde couldn't help but think about how life had turned out if Regina still had been alive. If they would have done all those things they talked about… And _dreamed_ about.

"Hi miss swan.. " a hoarse voice said behind her and the blonde turned around to see Regina's father. She quickly stood to her feet and couldn't believe her eyes. He gave her a crooked smile as she ran up to him and pulled him into a hug. The old man let out a small chuckle and when their eyes met, his hand stroke her cheek.

Emma hadn't seen Regina's father since the funeral and she didn't even know he was still alive. Henry was over 80 years old now.

"I knew it had to be you who left those roses every year." he spoke with a gentle voice, and it reminded Emma so much of Regina it almost made her cry.

"Yeah I still miss her terribly much.. " the blonde admitted with a heavy heart.

"So do I my dear, so do I… a parent isn't supposed to bury their children… It's supposed to be the other way around.. " the old man said as he walked up to Regina's grave and laid down a bouquet of purple roses by her tombstone.

Emma tugged on her lower lip and hesitated before she made Henry company by the grave. The move made the old man happy in some way as he laid his arm around Emma and she leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Did you know… I mean.. Did you know she wanted to die? " Emma asked. She knew it was a terrible question to ask, but she just had to. It had been something she had been wondering for so, so many years.

"I knew she had a darkness inside her, but I never thought it was so….. Bad… " Henry sighed.

"Moma!" a voice suddenly giggled and the blonde turned around to see her 5 year old daughter run against her. Emma couldn't help but chuckle as she scooped her up in her arms.

"Elsa! Come on! Where are.. " Henry shouted when he suddenly saw Emma holding her in her arms. Ruby gave her teenage son a slap in the back of his head.

"I told you to not let her run off!" the redhead groaned. She knew how special this day was for her wife and ruby always waited with the kids in the car, since they lived a couple of hours away and she didn't want Emma to drive by herself.

Because Ruby knew how much this whole day drained her wife on energy so she always drove her. But today she been forced to leave the car for a couple of minutes, just to talk to her grandmother and take a smoke, and she had trusted Henry to watch his sister. Something she probably shouldn't have done.

"Oh who is this then? " the old man asked curiously.

"This is Elsa. My daughter. And that is my wife Ruby and my son Henry over there. And yes, my son is named after you and Elsas middle name is Regina" the blonde replied as she saw a enormous smile spread on Henry's lips.

"I'm so happy for you Emma. I really am. " he said when her son and wife came up to them. "Mom! " Elsa giggled and reached for her. The redhead rolled her eyes but took the girls into her arms.

"I'm sorry Ems, I had to make a call and this teenager couldn't look after his little sister for five minutes… " ruby shrugged as she leaned in and placed a kiss on Emma's lips.

"It's so wonderful to see you happy Emma. I have been so worried over the years that you never moved on. Now I know you did" Regina's father smiled but before Emma had the chance to reply, he was gone.

When Emma came home, she went upstairs to be alone. Henry watched his little sister so ruby could speak to her wife in peace and quiet.

"Hi babe… Can I come in? " Ruby asked carefully in the doorway but she didn't get a response. The blonde just laid on bed, sobbing quietly.

Ruby tugged on her lower lip, when she laid down beside her wife and laid her arms around her.

"when is it supposed to feel easier? Or is it always going to be this hard? " Emma said between sobs.

"I don't Know… I wish I knew.. "

Emma fell asleep in ruby's arms that night, just as she always did after being to Regina's tombstone.

And as always, Emma dreamed about the life the two naive teenagers thought they would spend together but never got the chance to do.

 _I should never had taken you for granted._


End file.
